I

The bus ride was a revelation, Its hard when reality hits you straight at the face. Things I tried so hard to deny and hide was being ripped out of my chest. Right there and then, I wanted to cry, scream and tell my bestfriend to stop. Why? Because Im the greatest coward there is. And I am not ready to hear that. Those.

But Im glad I did. And thankful that I have friends, ready to make me see my mistakes,rub them on me if needed, and a friend who just dont know how to sugar coat things and tell me Im wrong, when God knows I need scolding. More than scolding.

The things is,

I don't know who I am, I'm like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode any moment now. I don't know what I want and what I need. I guess all I know is I want to be happy. Is that so wrong? In my case, yes. Why? Because, my means are wrong.

I don't know why Im here, I am lost. I am not going nowhere.

I thought I found myself, but no I didn't. I found someone else to fill the empty spaces for me. Someone I do not know, someone who right now, I also call ME. This ME is great. Oh! You'll love her. But she is incomplete. I am incomplete. And I know that no one can complete me, besides myself. Self centered? Very. And GOD knows I need to grow up.

I need a lot of growing up to do.

Where to start? You got me, I dont know where to start.

"dun ka sa tama"

I don't even know whats right. Much more what to do. I DON'T KNOW, and thinking makes everything blurry.

I want myself back.

Where to start?

I don't know. And even If i did know where and how.

I don't think I can.