Sa loob ng isang taon.

Isang Taon.

Isang taon na rin ata ang lumipas.Napaka daming ng pagbabago. Minsan hindi ko na makilala ang sarili ko. Ibang-iba na ang itsura ko, at least, sa paningin ko. Sa loob ng isang taon, ang dami kong narining. Ang dami kong pinagdaanan. Ang daming luha. Ang daming tawa. Ang dami kong taong nakilala. Ang daming taong dumating sa buhay ko. May ibang nanatiling parte ng ikot ng mundo ko, may ibang naglaho na lang parang bula. May ibang kahit sa alala, parang nabubura na.

Isang taon.

Ng pagdudusa? Ng sakit? Hindi nanan. Ng saya? Ng ligaya? Pwede. Hindi rin. Halo. Halo-halo. Pero sa lahat ng pinagdaanan ko sa loob ng isang taon, sa lahat ng 'yon may natutunan ako. May aral akong napulot. Kahit na marami sa aral na 'yon ay halos ipalamon na sakin ng sapilitan ng mundo. Hindi lang ata ako inuntog ng mundo, hindi lang minulat ang mga mata ko sa katotohanan, ukol sa mga bagay na buong pilit kong ipinaglaban. Sa loob ng isang taon ang pinaka mahalagang natutunan ko ay ang pag-tanggap na mali ako. MALI AKO. 

Isang taon.

Isang taon kong naririnig sa lahat an tugkol sa katapangan ko. "Idol" daw nila ako, kung sila daw ang tatahak sa landas na tinatahak ko, hindi daw nila kakayanin. Napaka tapang ko daw. Bilib daw sila sa akin. Matibay daw ang dibdib ko. Meron pang sa sobrnag hanga sa akin ay parang naiinggit pa. HINDI NAKAKATUWA.

Hindi ako matapang, hindi ako pinanganak na matapang. Kinailangan kong maging matapang. Dulot ng katangahan ang tapang na taglay ko ngayon. Dulot ng katigasan ng ulo. Dahil sa hilig kong mag-magaling kaya ako andito sa daanang ito. Hindi ko pwedeng sabihing hindi ko ito ginusto. Alam ko noon pa kung saan ako maaring humatong sa landas na pilit kong tinahak. Pero dahil DUWAG akong humindi at dahil nga ubod ng tigas ang ulo ko, patuloy akong naglakad. Hanggang sa nadapa ako. Nasugatan muli ang hindi pa naman talagang humihilom na peklat. Kaya kinailangan kong maging matapang. Hindi ko naman talaga kakailanganin ang tapang na meron ako ngayon kung hindi ako naging tanga noon.

Isang taon.

Matagal na ba 'yon? Ang dami ko pang pagdadaaanan. Ang dami pang kakainin na bigas. Ang dami pang dapat mangyari. Mangyayari. Handa nga ba ako para sa susunod pang isang taon? ....... Bahala na. Gagamitin ko na lang itong tapang na meron ako. Lahat ng aral na natutunan ko. Lahat ng tawang itinawa ko, luhang iniyak ko. Andyan naman ang mga taong piniling manatiling parte ng buhay ko. At may Diyos naman akong kinikilala. Hindi Niya ako pinabayaan. Hindi Niya kami pababayaan.

Panahon na para sa isa pang taon. Panahon na para muling bumangon, muling maglakad para sa mas magandang taon.

Lumipas na ang isang taon. Panahon na para sa susunod na kabanata.

BRAVEST BITCH

I HAD NO IDEA.

NO, I DID.

THE PATH WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW IS SCARY

WELL, I'VE NEVER BEEN TO A PATH THAT'S NOT.

TRUTH IS, I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.

BUT I WAS TOO PROUD TO HAVE TAKEN NOTICE.

WHY I DID THIS TO MYSELF I CAN NEVER ANSWER.

WHY I LET THIS HAPPEN IS PURE STUPIDITY.

I'M BETTER THAN THIS, BUT ITS TOO LATE.

I'VE CREATED MY OWN ABYSS

I'VE CREATED MY DOWNFALL.

MY GREATEST MISTAKE, IS SOMETHING THAT I CAN'T TAKE BACK.

MY GRAND SHOW OF VULNERABILITY CAN'T BE UNDONE.

MY LIFE HAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN, OVERNIGHT.

I COULD'VE TAKEN A DIFFERENT ROAD

I COULD HAVE. BUT I DIDN'T.

THE ROAD TO SELF DESTRUCTION HAS BEEN PAVED.

AND I'M RIGHT AT IT.

AND I'M BRAVE TO SAY THAT THIS IS NOT THE END OF ME.

I AM THE BRAVEST BITCH THERE IS.

AND I AM SAYING THAT THERE IS HOPE FOR ME.

NO, I WON'T LET HIM GET THE LAST LAUGH.

THE FINAL SHOWDOWN FAVORS ME.

I WILL GET BY.

I NOW HAVE 2 HEARTS BEATING IN ME.

AND I HAVE SEEN PLENTY OF REASON TO FIGHT.

BUT THIS.

IS MORE THAN ENOUGH TO KEEP ME FROM GIVING UP.

I HAVE MADE MY GRANDEST MISTAKE.

BUT THROUGH IT I FOUND THE PUREST OF BLESSINGS.

THE PERFECT REASON TO BREATHE.

THE ONLY REASON TO LIVE.

THE DARKEST TUNNEL IS WHERE I AM NOW

BUT THROUGH IT I AM SURE THAT THERE IS LIGHT,

NOT JUST ANY LIGHT,

BUT A LIGHT THAT SHINES SO BRIGHT

THAT IT SHALL ENGULF US ALL TO PURE HAPPINESS.

I AM WALKING ALONE, BUT WITH A REASON AND NOT FOR LONG.

the one who got away

may this few words that im about to say
touch your heart in so many ways

the way i looked in your eye, that day?
the day you said you felt I felt the same?
my eyes weren't lying.

the way our lips met, that day?
the day you felt things were falling to its place?
i felt the same.

when things didn't work out, and you said you'd wait.
i hoped.

we tried,
oh how we tried.

but then...

i found out that you've found someone new
i died.

and i got back up, lived my life.
then i died again.

reflect.

now your hurting,
how i wish i can take away the pain.

all the should've,
would've
could've
is coming back.

but your heart belongs to her now,
your eyes are wet because of her now,
she is the reason of your being now,
the reason you feel helpless now.

how i wish i can be her now.
so you wouldn't have to cry,
but then again, i made you cry.

things will never be between us,
all this wishing and dreaming won't help.


im a fool.
im stupid.
ive lost my mind.

regrets, as they say it.
we all have one.

i guess, its best to just be here.
to just laugh with you.
to just care for you.
to make things seem normal for you.

be the best friend to you.
be the ghost of you.


***never mind I'll find someone like you***
















you will always be the one who got away.

Paralyzed, yet again.

Getting confused
This pain I feel
This lump in my throat
This undesirable desire
Is all too familiar

Scared shitless
Unable to move
Paralyzed, yet again.

The words I heard
The stories told
The tears cried
Is all too familiar

The joy
The laughter
The love
The feelings felt
All too new.

New boundaries found
Limitations exceeded
Dreams coming to life
Light of day
Ray of sun
Bliss.

The love we cherished
The piece of our happiness we protected
The piece of sunlight we have
Stormed by intrigues
Stormed by doubts

How do I cope?

Are we meant to survive?
Is this all I would truly be?
Is this my destiny?

Why me?
Why you?
Why us?

Tell me, what do I do?

I longed to be loved
I longed to love
I longed for this
For us.

Gone?

Where do I go?
Which path do I choose?
Safety is a good place to be
Risks?
I've taken too many.

What now?
Decisions, decisions.








* you gave me hope that maybe things would be different, now I'm back to square one *

One last pop. A bad LSS.

Those nights in ur arms
The laughs that we had
The stares only we share
The magic of our connection
The bond of our friendship
The one true feeling we felt

All gone...
All gone...

The decision you've made shattered me
A part of me died
A friend lost forever
Forever, indeed.

I knew the fate of the selfish moves I've made
Still I hoped that you would not concede
I knew where it was going to end
But I expected a turn of events

I am one great lier
I told u to stop when I meant for you to go on
I told you I ddnt want to continue
When all I wanted was to be with you
I said you belonged with her
When what I was trying to say was for you to stay
I said we could never be
By that, I wanted to own you.

This and that...
This and that...

I want to say so much more.
So much more.


What has become of us?
The clown has passed
Enter the pit
Forever lost
Lost, indeed.

Goodbye mesmerizing bubble
Goodbye adored clown
My funny man
Thanks for making me realize where I stand
Thanks for closing the roller coaster chapter of our lives
Thanks for ending the one true feeling I felt.
Thanks for solving the puzzle
The mystery
The unsolved case which is me

The Clown. Forever gone. The bubble has disappeared. Pop. Now the sound of it resonates. Pop. Vibrates. Pop. Forever in my head. Pop. Like a bad LSS.









"Nkapgdesisyon n ako...tigil n...titigilan n kita..."

My Man

My man

My man makes me laugh
He gets all my jokes
My weirdness, he adores
My mind, he explores

My man knows me well
The meaning of my every smile he can tell
He knows the reason of my every sigh
Every look on face
Every sparkle on my eye

My man is smart
He knows things about me no one does
Things I wouldn't know about
Things he sees on the end of his world
Things only his eyes can see
He makes sure I see

My man and I share a connection
A bond only he and I have
One look and we know just know
We amaze each other
We are each others soul mate
We are who we are
But we are one

My man is brave, strong and dependable
He knows what he wants
He knows what he doesn't
He knows how to get things done

My man has a heart of gold
He holds my hand when I reach for him
Fixes my hair when the wind blows it
Caresses my face, wipes my tears
He's there when I need him
Answers when I call
Cares not only for me
But for everyone around me
Cares not only for us
But for the world that revolves around us

My man
Is missing
He's jst around the corner
I haven't found him yet
But when he comes
I'll be here

Game on!

http://youtu.be/FHp2KgyQUFk

I wanted you bad, I'm so through with that.

Thank God you blew it, I thank God i've dodged a bullet

positive vibes.

I found the good in goodbye.

I WILL FIND MY MAN.

not now.

... in time.

I AM HEALING THOUGH.

THE PATH TO HAPPINESS IS CLEAR.

*sulong!!! lakad!!! takbo!!! gapang!!!

malapit na..onti nalang...***